Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Feeling Grinchy

So is it horrible that I got all excited about a big traditional Thanksgiving, and did all the shopping, and that even this moment I'm getting started with cornbread for the stuffing and a huge stockpot full of sweet potatoes that are designated for rolls and casserole, but that I can't muster up any enthusiasm? You think it's just a tiny little blah moment, and that this too shall pass? I hope so!

I'm just flipping TIRED. There are no words to describe this kind of tired. And I want to go back in time to the self I was at 22, when I would go out on the weekends, stay out all night, but then come home and sleep until 2 (as opposed to, say, waking up at 6:30 with a baby who's ready to do it all over again), and I want to shake her when she complains about being tired, and I want to look her in the eye and say, "honey, you just wait. You have NO idea."

Because right now? It's hard to find the will to continue cooking when I know that I've got a 4 year old who will let naught pass his lips but cranberries and marshmallows, and that I've got a 1 year old that will take the first bite and then hold it in his mouth for an hour and a half as it slowly liquifies, and that I've got a baby with such impeccable timing that he naps until just the very moment that I pick up my fork, and that this moment, though I know better logically, illogically I feel as if I will never have a nice Thanksgiving with a centerpiece and candles and - dare I say it - peace - at the table. I want to eat slowly, and savor it. I want to take more than two bites in a row before I'm torn away from my plate to tend to someone else.

It's enough to make a girl throw her hands up and head to Applebees.

But...this is the stuff of life, no? After all, it's my family that I am most thankful for. And I should remember that if it were not for them, I would have no one to cook for at all, and I would probably be taking a book and eating alone at a chain restaurant for Thanksgiving, instead of having all the blessings in my life boisterously reminding me that I have much for which to give thanks. I have been richly blessed far beyond what I ever anticipated or deserve: a husband I adore, and who adores me back and three happy, healthy, rambunctious boys who teach me daily what it means to live fully and zestfully.

Wow - thanks, internet, for listening to me vent and for steering me toward thankfulness after all.

Now let's get started on that next batch of cornbread.

1 comment:

Kerrie said...

((Ami)) You nailed it!
I always have to step back and laugh at myself when I'm complaining about my blessings. I think I've spent more Thanksgivings than not thinking more about the tower of dishes that will soon be in the sink than noticing the joy on the faces around the table.
Happy Thanksgiving to you & your beautiful family!