Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Mommy vs. the Ants

Just call me Leiningen.

This summer, as last summer, we are battling ants in our house. When I've asked whether there is a foolproof way to keep them out, I'm given a gentle smile and a pat on the arm and am told that I am not in Kansas anymore, Toto. This is Texas. You can't keep them out. You just have to kill them as they come in.

Last year fire ants infested the master bedroom. The last straw was when I was bitten no less than 10 times while trying to sort laundry.

This year, I'm not sure whether they are fire ants, but whatever they are, they are colonizing under the dryer, and they have just today discovered the dog's dish, even though we've kept it up off the floor on a stool. I doused them with 409 (the only thing I had handy that I thought may be lethal. It was.), and carried the dog's dish, thick with the little boogers, out to the garage, where I promptly tripped over my own feet and dropped it.

Dog food and ants went flying.

I armed myself with the shop vac and made short work of it, but I now realize it's gotten past what I am able to cope with, and I need to call in the reinforcements.

I won't be going to the awful extreme that Leiningen did, but I will call Tommy. And by God, his is a name that is feared by all ants. If it's not, it will be when he's through with them. God bless Tommy, I say.

*****

The planter opened his eyes. "Everything in order?'' he asked.

"They're gone,'' said his nurse. "To hell."

2 comments:

Jamie said...

I applaud you. Neither 409 or a shop vac would give me the courage to face an army of fire ants...or any ants for that matter! I left those things in Florida but still can feel the pain from when they would attack...AHHHHH! I think had the come into my house I would have died from fear. You are a brave woman!!!

mommy said...

I HATE the ants. But...I'm ashamed to admit I've been procrastinating and haven't yet called the pest guy. They haven't ventured out from under the dryer since then, but that doesn't mean they're not plotting their next attack.