Thursday, July 13, 2006

Fed Up

Dear Ethan,

Stop peeing everywhere. Seriously. I mean it. I know you know what you are supposed to do, because you used to do it flawlessly back in April. Yes, Mommy will take some responsibility for backpedalling and then trying to make you start all over, and for that I am willing to give you a grace period to get back into the swing of things, but seriously. Three months? Stop it right now.

Love unconditionally,

Mommy

*****

Dear Aidan,

Please hush. I can't even hear myself think. If you want the paci in your mouth, and it makes you so angry when it's not there, then leave it in when I give it back to you for crying out loud. Stop pulling it out.

Love unconditionally,

Mommy

*****

Dear Dog,

I am impressed that your powers of observation are so astute that you picked up on the fact that I am a little on-the-brink today. I applaud you. What tipped you off? The slamming doors? The flying shoes?*

But hovering thisclose to my ankles so that I trip over you, and panting your hot stinky breath in my face concernedly every time I sit down makes things worse, not better.

BACK OFF, or I'm putting you out in the yard. Don't test me on this one.

Love most of the time but today you are trying me a little high,

Mommy



*No, my kids didn't see me do this. This was private Mommy breakdown time.

2 comments:

Dave said...

Dear Wife,

What? No "Dear Husband" email? What a disappointment! ;-)

Love,
Your husband.

mommy said...

My Love,

You are, of course, above reproach. So no letter for you.